In the conference with my professor, she help me to figure out my grammer problems. There are a lot of grammers in my text, like some pass tense, or I loss articles. What I think I need to care more about my grammer. Also I use the source from about. com which web site is not reliable. Moverover, I need to work on the connection between each paragraphs. The connection could make the article look like more flowly.
In Sharon comment, she give me very good advise which I think could improve my work. First she also point the About.com could not be source, and she suggest to use like Wbster's dictionary. I appricate she give me a good suggestiong to finding difintion. She mentioned that my thesis statement is not strong enough, I should promote my thesis may be change into Fashion has been developing for hundreds of years. During this time, fashion has been changing not only with the times, but with the new trends emerging as well. She said there are only citation in my texe, I need to put more in the text. Morever, I do not have recommonded reading for reader, so I need to add this in my work. There also is a link problem, my Lv source link do not work, so I need to relink it and make it right. I do not have background, so I should choose a background to fit my topic. There are some grammer mistakes and some sentences do not make sense so I have to work on it. And she said if I add a sub-heading, the information between each paragraphs will more clearly.
I totally agree with her comments which I think is help my text a lot
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I'm glad that I was able to help you, and Sharon also gave you excellent advice. I'm looking forward to your text.
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